CGACC 2012 | CGACCarchive

CGACC© 2012 - The Difficult Second Album

Greetings. If you're reading this then I'm assuming you're already a few levels deep into your CGACC© experience, because if you're starting here then you are either legiterally* a sociopath with no regard for the rules the rest of us live by, or else you have severely misclicked. If so, then take time to correct your course now and/or seek the help you so desperately need.

If, however, you have arrived here honestly then let me warn you now that this one just ends at door 14. This is my Unfinished Tales, and is here purely as part of an honest account of the development of the CGACC©

There was a delayed start, the first four doors were posted on the 4th of December because I had been, to be blunt, getting absolutely shitfaced and partying very very hard with some friends out in the countryside somewhere, and in this point in history, my dear sweet friends, wireless internet wasn't reliably a 'thing' everywhere you went, and also I DID NOT HAVE A SMARTPHONE, if you can imagine such a thing, which of course you can't because we're all doomed techoslaves now and forever.

And why did I end it at door 14? I wish I had a good reason, I wish that I had been called away to war, or that I had been caught up in a tumultuous love affair that transported me into such a blissful state of romantic and hedonistic joy that such things as telling a small group of people about my advent calendar pictures seemed trivial. But no. The truth is that someone made a mean comment on Door 11 and I slunk away like a coward.

But how much greater coward would I be, dear and constant reader, if I did not share this sorry chapter with you? Too great to bear, I assure you.

Enjoy!

*legitimately literally, you're welcome

Dear All,

I'm so sorry to those who I have worried over the past few days, I've greatly appreciated your concerned texts and messages but I've only just returned home from a place with no internet or phone signal so I've not been able to get in touch until now. I hope I can repair some of the damage I have done by letting you know that I have indeed bought an Advent Calendar and will, as is traditional, be "posting the doors" up on Facebook for your pleasure. Obviously I will have to post three now, and I hope that this does not offend the purists among you...

Comments:

Sarah B - Yay, Christmas is saved!

Advent Calendar Door 1: It's a snow globe with a little Christmas tree inside.

Well, I suppose it could be a regular size tree inside a huge snow globe as there is nothing next to it to give an idea of scale; it's not even on a table or anything, just floating against a yellow backdrop. Perhaps this calendar is actually a gateway to some abstract Christmas dimension? No, you're right; it's much to early for such theories, let's press on.

Comments:

Matthew - oh god it's that time of year again...

Hugh - Did the chocolate refuse to melt so you have to chase it round your mouth and break it apart with your tongue? That's good advent.

Chris Gates - CHOCOLATE CALENDARS ARE FOR THE WEAK!!

Advent Calendar Door 2: It's a bear (a soft toy bear, mark you) sat next to what is either a drum or a biscuit tin. Let's say a drum.

Why the artist has thrown these two disparate objects together I cannot say, but I would guess that it's hard to be original in such a restrictive and established format, which is why some lesser calendar designers have to resort to stuffing them with chocolate. Not this dude though: bear and drum, deal with it yeah?

Advent Calendar Door 3: Ah. Well. Now this is interesting. It's three crowns, a clear allusion to the three wise men, or 'kings' as they're sometimes called.

The big question with any advent calendar is 'what's behind door 24?' and this biblical reference would suggest a manger scene. But let's not get ahead of ourselves, it's early days yet and there's still everything to play for. Tune in tomorrow for more door-opening fun.

P.S. Balthasar, Melchior and Caspar, in case you were wondering.

Advent Calendar Door 4: It's a small house with snow on the sloping red roof and there's a lot of green, wreathy business going on around the doorway. On the roof there's a green ribbon that's sticking straight up, as if the house is hanging from it. So I guess this is some sort of Christmas ornament, the sort that an oddball relative might give you for Christmas. What's the point? It's like giving someone a "Happy Birthday" banner for their birthday.

Comments:

Joe M - So, is the horse on the roof with the snow???

Chirs Gates - There is no horse. Which was also the original line in The Matrix, trivia fans.

Joe M - I miread "small house" as small horse!

Advent Calendar Door 5: A gold, five-pointed star hanging from a gold chain.

Hanging, I might add, from nothing, just floating against a yellow background as every item has been so far. So, okay, it's another bloody Christmas ornament; I'm going to guess that this calendar was designed by an old woman

Comments:

Dan - Sexist

Chris Gates - And ageist, don't forget ageist.

Advent Calendar Door 6: It's a gingerbread man with a white bow-tie. Are gingerbread men Christmassy enough on their own that they don't need, say, green and red icing or a Santa hat or something? No, no they're not. This gingerbread man has come in formal dress to what is essentially a costume party and, frankly, I don't care if he gets eaten.

Advent Calendar Door 7: It's part of an old fashioned lamp post, a gas lamp glowing softly at the end of a cold metal arm. You'd think it would be snowing in the picture wouldn't you? Well it's not. Not even a bit. And before you start thinking that it might be a C.S Lewis reference (but well done if you already were), it's not that sort of lamp post.

Advent Calendar Door 8: It's a Christmas Cracker. Shit just got real.

Advent Calendar Door 9: Ooooooh, it's a candle. Breaking out the classics this weekend.

Comments:

Sarah W - For the first time in my life I don't have one this year so living vicarioulsy through you. Thanks for sharing the joy of the advent calendar with people like me.

Chris Gates - I'm not a hero, just a man.

Dan - Who happens to be a hero

Jonathan – Chris 'Advent Calendar Hero' Gates

Advent Calendar Door 11: Well, okay, so it's another tree ornament (a love heart dangling from a green ribbon) but my parents have a similar one so I'm willing to let it go this time.

Comments:

Villain - No one cares...

Chris Gates - I'm aware of this.

Jonathan - I care. My lack of Advent calendar is made up for by this man's immense dedication.

Chris Gates - Ha! I didn't stop to think that this would REALLY be pissing you off Villain, frankly I'm amazed that you've managed to bite your tongue this long. Never mind buddy, it'll all be over soon.

Ross - I love this.

Nathan - I'm surprised it took 11 days for Villain to chime in.

Advent Calendar Door 12: It's a sprig of mistletoe! I don't know how the rules about mistletoe translate on Facebook, just be careful if you post a comment beneath this yeah?

Dan - What was door 7? I was out of the country on business.

Nerys - Mmwah! Sorry for being so forward Dan, it's just that you've been standing under the mistletoe for two hours now...

Dan - Haha thanks Nerys, that was getting a bit humiliating...

Chris Gates- Sorry mate, I was at work and Facebook wasn't letting me post anything. Hope this makes up for it:

Dan - What a crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy night!

Chris Gates- Oh , and this is for Nerys: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Xq2qiVeYYw

I wanted to post a picture of a thimble, but out of context they just look like steampunk Daleks.

Nerys - Just as long as I don't have to sew your shadow on again.

Advent Calendar Door 13: It's a baulbal with a massive bloody spoke coming out of it, death to any cat that knocks that bastard off the tree.

ACD 14: It's a rocking horse.